2025

"He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken." Psalm 62:2

“Be still, and know that I am God.” -Psalm 46:10 

There is hope in every trial For I can trust the Lord He will turn my heart towards Him And help me bear the thorn So, in faith, I follow Jesus On the road not understood For I know that He is working For His glory and my good -CityAlight

"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5

"Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 2:3 

Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you. -Psalm 55:22-

Hello, friends, It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 3 whole months since the day I came home from the hospital. I’m so grateful to God for each day here. It hasn’t been the easiest road since discharge (which I’ll tell you about below), but it truly has been a gift simply staying home. 🥲 At some of the recent follow-up appointments with my doctors, we discussed how this is the 6th time I’ve experienced sepsis in less than 10 years. 😢 Yes, the body does recover from each episode of sepsis, but as my GI specialist explained, organs become more damaged in the long run as time goes on.. Each bout seems to get harder and harder to fight, and I dread the next time it happens. 😔 It’s hard not to think about all the “if only” scenarios. For example, if only I didn’t have renal magnesium wasting, then I wouldn’t need a port. Or, if only I didn’t have a port, then I wouldn’t experience blood infections/sepsis. Or, if only I didn’t need a port, then I could have a spinal cord stimulator implant again for the chronic pain and get off all the pain medications. But, if all those “ifs” came true, I don’t think I would lean on God as much! Psalm 119:71 says, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.” I love what Joni Eareckson Tada wrote in one of her books regarding difficult times, “Suffering has a way of heaving you beyond the shallows of life where your faith feels ankle-deep. It casts you out into the fathomless depths of God.” ❤️ I recently saw my nephrologist (kidney doctor). She ordered a bunch of tests to check up on the renal magnesium wasting. My body doesn’t hold onto magnesium well….that is, my kidneys excrete too much magnesium which is why I need chronic IV access to receive infusions of high dose magnesium. Anyways, the results of these recent tests show that it hasn’t improved at all. It also shows a decrease in kidney function which she says we’ll need to continue monitoring. My hand tremors have sadly worsened since my hospital stay—it’s challenging to do any hand lettering/calligraphy now (which always requires very controlled fine motor skills). In fact, all of my art that I’ve posted with each of these last several blog updates are older pieces that I’ve never shared before.. The tremors make it hard to hand letter any new pieces. My hand therapist referred me to a neurology-focused occupational therapist at OHSU which I’ve been waiting many weeks for. My first appointment is finally coming up on June 5th, and I pray that she will have some solutions to help me keep doing my favorite hobby. I’d appreciate prayers for this issue! I definitely don’t want to lose my lettering skills. 🥺 Speaking of neurology, I’ve also been waiting many months to see my new neurologist. I had an appointment scheduled with him on June 13th, but I just found out he will be out of the clinic that day. So now I’ll be seeing his colleague, but that appointment isn’t until July.. Same with my EMG (electromyography) study. One of my doctors ordered this specific test to check the signals of my nerves/muscles, and it was scheduled for the end of June. But the physical medicine specialist who will be doing the EMG will also be “out of the clinic,” so now the test got pushed out to the end of July. I wish doctors didn’t reschedule out of the blue. 😞 It’s hard not to get frustrated, but I have to remember that even the timing of each appointment/test is in God’s hands. ❤️ I have a bilateral lumbar sympathetic nerve block procedure scheduled in the middle of June because the deep leg pain has worsened which makes it so hard to bear. The pain was not bad when I got discharged from the hospital in March, but then it started ramping up in April. My last nerve block was done several years ago, and the pain relief only lasted half a day or so. Could you pray that this upcoming nerve block will be effective and long-acting? Thank you so much, friends. I’m so grateful for you! 🫶🏻

Read Part 1 , Part 2 , or Part 3 if you missed it. | Part 4 | That evening on February 20th, I was transported by ambulance back to the 14C medicine floor. It was such a scary time. 😢 The sepsis caused my body to go into metabolic acidosis. So they quickly treated that with IV bicarbonate and started me on broad-spectrum IV antibiotics while we waited for my blood cultures to come back. I became leukopenic and anemic because my bone marrow got affected. 🥺 This infection wreaked havoc on my kidneys so I continually had to be repleted with large amounts of IV electrolytes (especially potassium) each day. My blood cultures from my port ended up growing Staph Epidermidis. Knowing the cause of my symptoms was an answer to prayer, and the infectious disease doctors immediately started me on an IV antibiotic sensitive to that specific strain of bacteria. I was admitted for 5 weeks + 1 day (the total from not only this stay for sepsis but also when I was admitted for the mitochondrial crash). Being in the hospital for 2 difficult diagnoses that happened back to back was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. I thank God for how he graciously gave some happy times in the midst of it. I loved seeing the therapy dog and was over the moon when the medicine floor kindly let my family bring my brother’s dog to visit me. 😊 I also had some amazing nurses. There was a special night nurse assigned to me, and I’ll never forget him. Even when he was no longer part of my care team, he came to visit me each night he worked—isn’t that so sweet? 🥲 But for the most part, inpatient life was scary and traumatic. And as I pondered these last few months, trying to make sense of it all, I was reminded of several things: God never abandoned me in my darkest hour. ❤️ Being inpatient for weeks was brutal and like a prison (not once did I leave my hospital room because I had no energy). All those days, doctors, residents, medical students, phlebotomists, pharmacists, IV therapists, dietitians, respiratory therapists, CNAs, and nurses would continually come to my room. Not to mention every time medications were given or IV bags had to be started/stopped or when the multiple pumps alarmed. The exhaustion along with the pain was unreal. I felt so weak and helpless, not just physically. This challenging time reminded me that I cannot do life without Christ. Jesus said, “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). And that is so true. During this whole trial, the Lord was the sustainer of my days. He gave me his strength, minute by minute. Even though God always supplied me with grace to carry on, I want you to know that I still struggled with great fear while in the thick of it. When the pain and suffering overwhelmed me, it was difficult at times for my eyes to see him working behind the scenes. Numerous questions weighed heavily on my shoulders, and I felt so alone each day. But as I processed everything, this trial reminded me that no one knows and understands my suffering more than Jesus. ❤️ Matthew 8:17 says, “He took our illnesses and bore our diseases.” Isn’t it so comforting that Jesus knows what we’re going through? Even he had questions when he cried on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46) So when I experience doubts and questions in the future (whether in the hospital or at home), I pray that I will always take them to the Lord and not hold everything in. I’m definitely still a work in progress, though.. I wanted to close this mini series of posts by sharing a verse from Psalm 31:7 (ESV). What a coincidence that I’m 31 years and 7 months old! 😆 “I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul.” This verse sums up these last few months. God always sees my pain, and I’m never alone (even though it may sometimes seem like it). He has “known my soul in adversities,” as the New King James translation says of vs. 7. I praise God for his faithfulness and mercy on my life. I also want to give thanks to him that I’m back off the TPN (IV nutrition) and able to eat orally again like before! My muscle weakness has improved as well. 🥲 There are some other concerning issues going on, but I will share a more in-depth update later.. Thank you for reading Parts 1-4 and continuing to pray for me. This has been quite the journey, and I’m so grateful to have such faithful prayer warriors!! 🫶🏻