PAIN with PURPOSE

Life with Small Fiber Neuropathy, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type III, Mast Cell Activation, Dysautonomia, Mitochondrial DNA Depletion Syndrome, and Wilson’s Disease.

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And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

PAIN with PURPOSE

Life with Small Fiber Neuropathy, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type III, Mast Cell Activation, Dysautonomia, Mitochondrial DNA Depletion Syndrome, and Wilson’s Disease.

LEARN MORE

And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Finding Joy 

and purpose 

Amid Pain

Hi! I’m so happy you’re here! :) My name is Kerissa, and I live in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. I started Pain With Purpose to mainly share medical updates and prayer requests with my close friends and family. But it soon became more than that. Over the years, friends and strangers alike have commented on my posts or sent emails to say that my blog has encouraged and inspired them immensely to trust in the Lord and not give up in the midst of their trials! I hope and pray Pain With Purpose continues to be a testament that God can use our pain for His glory and good purposes, even when we may not be able to see that right away. 

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STORE COMING SOON.

“God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but WITHOUT stain.”

“God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but WITHOUT stain.”

C.S. Lewis

 The latest 

Encouraging

& Insightful Journal Entries

 The latest 

Encouraging & Insightful Journal Entries

Part 3 ❤️

By Kerissa Lee • 27 Apr, 2024
Read Part 1 and Part 2 if you missed it.  | Part 3 | After numerous days inpatient, I was ready to begin physical therapy at home and work my way off the TPN (IV nutrition). On February 19th, I ended up getting enrolled into a fairly new 1-year old program called “Hospital at Home.” It’s a weird concept, but those who do HAH are still considered inpatient—the only setting that’s different is you can sleep in your own bed and the nurses come to your home. You also are connected to doctors virtually through a tablet. In theory, that probably sounds amazing, but for complex patients like me, I regretted doing HAH because it was complicated and stressful. For example, the leg pain was still so severe, and each time I took pain medicine every 2 hours, I had to log onto the tablet and talk to the nurse who charted everything…. Even during the middle of the night, I had to show the nurse which meds I was taking and what dosage. It unfortunately wasn’t restful, and there were a bunch of other challenges while I was with HAH. By the next morning, I was definitely ready to be discharged from the “hospital” since a lot could be done outpatient. Around 11:45 AM on February 20th, a nurse practitioner came to my house to make sure I was medically stable and ready for discharge. She agreed I was because my vitals were perfect. She left, and another nurse was scheduled to arrive sometime in the afternoon to stop my TPN for the day. But, in the blink of an eye, things changed yet again and the nystagmus suddenly came back with a vengeance. I could barely see out of my eyes (because they shook so much), and when I went to lay down, I asked my mom if the heat was on. She said yes, but I felt soo cold. When the last nurse arrived to stop the infusion, she took my vitals which showed that I spiked a high fever out of the blue. I was so devastated by this turn of events and cried, “I can’t do this again.” 😭 I felt weary, down to my very bones. Experiencing all my usual sepsis symptoms (fever, chills, high heart rate and respirations, severe low back pain, etc.), I hit rock bottom and was extremely distressed that I had to go back to the hospital. 😔 While the doctors scrambled to find a bed available for me, I physically got even worse. During that scary and emotional time, the nurse was so compassionate and caring. I know God in his loving kindness handpicked her especially for me that day. She stayed right by my bedside and encouraged me with words filled with hope. 🥹 She saw a devotional by Joni Eareckson Tada on my nightstand and asked if I was a believer. I nodded, and she immediately began praying for me. 😭❤️ In the midst of this whole trial, some days God felt far away. 🥺 I could really resonate with the psalmist’s cries—“Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?” (Psalm 22:1) But when my nurse prayed for me, it was in that very moment I felt God’s presence and peace so near. It was like he knew I needed some tangible comfort to hold on to. I felt so seen and loved by him. I’ll never forget the sweet nurse he sent and the prayers she lifted up. ❤️ Through her, the Lord revived my soul to prepare me for this latest battle. Up next: Part 4…

Part 2 ❤️

By Kerissa Lee • 16 Apr, 2024
Read Part 1 if you missed it.  | Part 2 | Just 2 days after I was discharged from the hospital, I started experiencing severe nystagmus (shaking eyeballs) along with nausea, vomiting, and retching. I didn’t know what was happening and was again so scared. 😔 I was told to go to the ED since I wasn’t tolerating any of my oral medications. The doctors gave me IV fluids and lots of different IV anti-nausea and pain meds. They told me I needed to be admitted and talked with the neurology and internal medicine departments to see which one should admit me. But….to my dismay, both teams made a bad judgment call when they decided not to have me admitted (my mom has since talked with a patient advocate for guidance on what to do if “this” happens again). Even the ED observation unit didn’t want to take me because I was “too complex.” 🥺 I was sent home still vomiting and in so much distress (with mitochondrial disease, anything like untreated vomiting/diarrhea is a big “no-no” to put it simply because it’s a huge stress on the metabolic system). My body was really struggling, and I experienced very drooping eyelids and worsening weakness all over. The next day, I was seen by my PCP’s colleague, and after much discussion, he directly admitted me to the internal medicine floor. I’ll always be grateful to him for his quick action and the very thorough letter he wrote. There were sadly no beds available, so I waited at home. But, the following day, God was so kind to bless me with a private room that became available. Once I was inpatient, the doctors tried to get a handle on the nystagmus and vomiting. All the usual IV anti-nausea meds didn’t resolve things, so they gave me an “off-label” medication that can sometimes help nausea. That did the trick, but another issue soon arose—I started showing signs of mental confusion. I remember not being able to explain what was on my mind, and if I did talk, it didn’t make sense! For example, 2 nurses were in my room helping each other, and I made a comment about them being married. 🫠 Another instance, my family later shared that I asked them if they could see the ocean out the window. I can’t recall a lot of my time in the hospital because I was so confused.. My mom wondered if the confusion was from the off-label nausea medicine, so the team immediately discontinued it. By God’s grace, that did the trick…. Hospital life was definitely a roller coaster. You know that whack-a-mole arcade game? Once one problem ended, another popped up. After not receiving proper nutrition for many days, I started trying to eat orally again and resumed j-tube feeds, but for some reason, I wasn’t able to tolerate either like before. My stomach became so huge and distended….even with the feeding pump setting of just one teaspoon per hour. It didn’t make sense, especially since I tolerated a high rate of tube feeds two weeks earlier when I was admitted for the neurological weakness. I kept trying to increase the tube feed rate, but my GI tract didn’t tolerate it. The doctors brought up the possibility of TPN (IV nutrition). I was very discouraged and so homesick. With no progress increasing the formula rate, I did in fact have to be placed on TPN. Emotionally, it was a struggle dealing with this new problem on top of the mitochondrial crash.. 😢 Up next: Part 3…

Part 1 ❤️

By Kerissa Lee • 13 Apr, 2024
Dear friends, It’s been almost 3 months since I last blogged.. So much happened, and it’s very hard to believe how quickly things changed. I know many already know the whole story. But for those who haven’t heard it, I will try to recap here. It’s quite the tale, but I wanted to share it on my blog to look back on because God truly carried me through the unimaginable. ❤️ When I requested urgent prayer for the sudden onset numbness and weakness in my whole left leg back in January, I had a routine follow-up already scheduled with my primary care dr. on January 25th. I was so thankful I could see him right away for this new issue. I showed him my worsening weakness, and he sent me straight to the ED to make sure I didn’t have a condition called Guillian-Barre Syndrome (GBS). While waiting for a bed to open up on the neurology floor, the muscle weakness spread to my right foot and up my right leg to the point that I could barely lift both legs up. Words can’t express how truly scared I felt that I was going paralyzed. 🥺💔 It was the hardest time of my life, and I continually wept, not just because of the physical pain (which was the worst leg pain I’ve ever experienced) but also because of the emotional distress.. The “foot drop” in both feet was so severe that my soles were almost parallel to the hospital bed when laying down. It was devastating. Due to the weakness, I couldn’t even walk to the bathroom and had to use a bed pan. The team was concerned about possible heart/lung issues, so I had to be placed on a continuous cardiac telemetry monitor (which is different than the standard one). Twice, they asked me if I’d be okay with life-saving measures like getting intubated (placed on a ventilator) if the weakness kept spreading like it was.. I underwent countless neurological exams by nurses, medical students, residents, and attending neurologists. To rule out GBS, a spinal tap had to be done as well as extensive brain and spinal MRIs (cervical, thoracic, lumbar, and sacral). Not feeling well, it was incredibly difficult to lay in the very narrow MRI tube for more than 2 1/2 hours without a break. When GBS was ruled out, we still didn’t know what was causing the weakness. To be honest, in a way, I WANTED to have GBS because they explained GBS has a good treatment. So, not knowing the outcome and prognosis was very hard. 😢 Looking back, I remember how I shared a verse from Isaiah when I wrote my “2023 reflections” blog post at the beginning of this year: “Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God” (Isaiah 50:10). When I posted that on January 1st, I never could have imagined how dark life would get. I knew God had a plan, but I was still so terrified. And there was nothing I could do but trust him (even though my faith felt so weak while in the thick of it). I cried so much and struggled with great fear. But in the midst of that dark time, I thought of a well-known passage from 2 Corinthians: “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison…” (2 Corinthians 4:16-17). A phrase stood out to me: “light momentary affliction.” This trial weighed heavily on my shoulders….it definitely didn’t feel “light” OR “momentary.” I had so many questions. Could I surrender all and trust that God has my best interests at heart? I prayed that he would grant me the eyes to see everything from an eternal perspective and use this hard time for his glory and good purposes. After spending 9 days on the neuro floor, I was sent home.. The neuro team attributed this whole event to a “very unusual mitochondrial crash.” And only time would tell how I would recover. Up next: Part 2…

 The latest 

Encouraging

& Insightful Journal Entries

 The latest 

Encouraging & Insightful Journal Entries

Part 3 ❤️

By Kerissa Lee • 27 Apr, 2024
Read Part 1 and Part 2 if you missed it.  | Part 3 | After numerous days inpatient, I was ready to begin physical therapy at home and work my way off the TPN (IV nutrition). On February 19th, I ended up getting enrolled into a fairly new 1-year old program called “Hospital at Home.” It’s a weird concept, but those who do HAH are still considered inpatient—the only setting that’s different is you can sleep in your own bed and the nurses come to your home. You also are connected to doctors virtually through a tablet. In theory, that probably sounds amazing, but for complex patients like me, I regretted doing HAH because it was complicated and stressful. For example, the leg pain was still so severe, and each time I took pain medicine every 2 hours, I had to log onto the tablet and talk to the nurse who charted everything…. Even during the middle of the night, I had to show the nurse which meds I was taking and what dosage. It unfortunately wasn’t restful, and there were a bunch of other challenges while I was with HAH. By the next morning, I was definitely ready to be discharged from the “hospital” since a lot could be done outpatient. Around 11:45 AM on February 20th, a nurse practitioner came to my house to make sure I was medically stable and ready for discharge. She agreed I was because my vitals were perfect. She left, and another nurse was scheduled to arrive sometime in the afternoon to stop my TPN for the day. But, in the blink of an eye, things changed yet again and the nystagmus suddenly came back with a vengeance. I could barely see out of my eyes (because they shook so much), and when I went to lay down, I asked my mom if the heat was on. She said yes, but I felt soo cold. When the last nurse arrived to stop the infusion, she took my vitals which showed that I spiked a high fever out of the blue. I was so devastated by this turn of events and cried, “I can’t do this again.” 😭 I felt weary, down to my very bones. Experiencing all my usual sepsis symptoms (fever, chills, high heart rate and respirations, severe low back pain, etc.), I hit rock bottom and was extremely distressed that I had to go back to the hospital. 😔 While the doctors scrambled to find a bed available for me, I physically got even worse. During that scary and emotional time, the nurse was so compassionate and caring. I know God in his loving kindness handpicked her especially for me that day. She stayed right by my bedside and encouraged me with words filled with hope. 🥹 She saw a devotional by Joni Eareckson Tada on my nightstand and asked if I was a believer. I nodded, and she immediately began praying for me. 😭❤️ In the midst of this whole trial, some days God felt far away. 🥺 I could really resonate with the psalmist’s cries—“Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?” (Psalm 22:1) But when my nurse prayed for me, it was in that very moment I felt God’s presence and peace so near. It was like he knew I needed some tangible comfort to hold on to. I felt so seen and loved by him. I’ll never forget the sweet nurse he sent and the prayers she lifted up. ❤️ Through her, the Lord revived my soul to prepare me for this latest battle. Up next: Part 4…

Part 2 ❤️

By Kerissa Lee • 16 Apr, 2024
Read Part 1 if you missed it.  | Part 2 | Just 2 days after I was discharged from the hospital, I started experiencing severe nystagmus (shaking eyeballs) along with nausea, vomiting, and retching. I didn’t know what was happening and was again so scared. 😔 I was told to go to the ED since I wasn’t tolerating any of my oral medications. The doctors gave me IV fluids and lots of different IV anti-nausea and pain meds. They told me I needed to be admitted and talked with the neurology and internal medicine departments to see which one should admit me. But….to my dismay, both teams made a bad judgment call when they decided not to have me admitted (my mom has since talked with a patient advocate for guidance on what to do if “this” happens again). Even the ED observation unit didn’t want to take me because I was “too complex.” 🥺 I was sent home still vomiting and in so much distress (with mitochondrial disease, anything like untreated vomiting/diarrhea is a big “no-no” to put it simply because it’s a huge stress on the metabolic system). My body was really struggling, and I experienced very drooping eyelids and worsening weakness all over. The next day, I was seen by my PCP’s colleague, and after much discussion, he directly admitted me to the internal medicine floor. I’ll always be grateful to him for his quick action and the very thorough letter he wrote. There were sadly no beds available, so I waited at home. But, the following day, God was so kind to bless me with a private room that became available. Once I was inpatient, the doctors tried to get a handle on the nystagmus and vomiting. All the usual IV anti-nausea meds didn’t resolve things, so they gave me an “off-label” medication that can sometimes help nausea. That did the trick, but another issue soon arose—I started showing signs of mental confusion. I remember not being able to explain what was on my mind, and if I did talk, it didn’t make sense! For example, 2 nurses were in my room helping each other, and I made a comment about them being married. 🫠 Another instance, my family later shared that I asked them if they could see the ocean out the window. I can’t recall a lot of my time in the hospital because I was so confused.. My mom wondered if the confusion was from the off-label nausea medicine, so the team immediately discontinued it. By God’s grace, that did the trick…. Hospital life was definitely a roller coaster. You know that whack-a-mole arcade game? Once one problem ended, another popped up. After not receiving proper nutrition for many days, I started trying to eat orally again and resumed j-tube feeds, but for some reason, I wasn’t able to tolerate either like before. My stomach became so huge and distended….even with the feeding pump setting of just one teaspoon per hour. It didn’t make sense, especially since I tolerated a high rate of tube feeds two weeks earlier when I was admitted for the neurological weakness. I kept trying to increase the tube feed rate, but my GI tract didn’t tolerate it. The doctors brought up the possibility of TPN (IV nutrition). I was very discouraged and so homesick. With no progress increasing the formula rate, I did in fact have to be placed on TPN. Emotionally, it was a struggle dealing with this new problem on top of the mitochondrial crash.. 😢 Up next: Part 3…

Part 1 ❤️

By Kerissa Lee • 13 Apr, 2024
Dear friends, It’s been almost 3 months since I last blogged.. So much happened, and it’s very hard to believe how quickly things changed. I know many already know the whole story. But for those who haven’t heard it, I will try to recap here. It’s quite the tale, but I wanted to share it on my blog to look back on because God truly carried me through the unimaginable. ❤️ When I requested urgent prayer for the sudden onset numbness and weakness in my whole left leg back in January, I had a routine follow-up already scheduled with my primary care dr. on January 25th. I was so thankful I could see him right away for this new issue. I showed him my worsening weakness, and he sent me straight to the ED to make sure I didn’t have a condition called Guillian-Barre Syndrome (GBS). While waiting for a bed to open up on the neurology floor, the muscle weakness spread to my right foot and up my right leg to the point that I could barely lift both legs up. Words can’t express how truly scared I felt that I was going paralyzed. 🥺💔 It was the hardest time of my life, and I continually wept, not just because of the physical pain (which was the worst leg pain I’ve ever experienced) but also because of the emotional distress.. The “foot drop” in both feet was so severe that my soles were almost parallel to the hospital bed when laying down. It was devastating. Due to the weakness, I couldn’t even walk to the bathroom and had to use a bed pan. The team was concerned about possible heart/lung issues, so I had to be placed on a continuous cardiac telemetry monitor (which is different than the standard one). Twice, they asked me if I’d be okay with life-saving measures like getting intubated (placed on a ventilator) if the weakness kept spreading like it was.. I underwent countless neurological exams by nurses, medical students, residents, and attending neurologists. To rule out GBS, a spinal tap had to be done as well as extensive brain and spinal MRIs (cervical, thoracic, lumbar, and sacral). Not feeling well, it was incredibly difficult to lay in the very narrow MRI tube for more than 2 1/2 hours without a break. When GBS was ruled out, we still didn’t know what was causing the weakness. To be honest, in a way, I WANTED to have GBS because they explained GBS has a good treatment. So, not knowing the outcome and prognosis was very hard. 😢 Looking back, I remember how I shared a verse from Isaiah when I wrote my “2023 reflections” blog post at the beginning of this year: “Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God” (Isaiah 50:10). When I posted that on January 1st, I never could have imagined how dark life would get. I knew God had a plan, but I was still so terrified. And there was nothing I could do but trust him (even though my faith felt so weak while in the thick of it). I cried so much and struggled with great fear. But in the midst of that dark time, I thought of a well-known passage from 2 Corinthians: “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison…” (2 Corinthians 4:16-17). A phrase stood out to me: “light momentary affliction.” This trial weighed heavily on my shoulders….it definitely didn’t feel “light” OR “momentary.” I had so many questions. Could I surrender all and trust that God has my best interests at heart? I prayed that he would grant me the eyes to see everything from an eternal perspective and use this hard time for his glory and good purposes. After spending 9 days on the neuro floor, I was sent home.. The neuro team attributed this whole event to a “very unusual mitochondrial crash.” And only time would tell how I would recover. Up next: Part 2…

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asked QUESTIONS

Is there a cure for Mitochondrial DNA Depletion Syndrome?

With your current condition, how do you seek to minister to people?

As you walk this path daily, what helps you keep trusting in the Lord?
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FREQUENTLY

asked QUESTIONS

  • Is there a cure for Mitochondrial DNA Depletion Syndrome?

    I keep up with the latest clinical trials through the updates given by the United Mitochondrial Disease Foundation, but as of yet, there is sadly no cure and only symptomatic treatment. :(  I am on numerous oral medications and push liquid meds through my jejunostomy feeding tube.  I have a permanent central line in my chest to receive daily vital IV infusions/medications.  I also use an adaptive-servo ventilator at night for my central & obstructive sleep apnea.

  • With your current condition, how do you seek to minister to people?

    Because I have fatigue, chronic pain, and other health problems related to my condition, I struggled with the fact that I couldn’t do much.  I truly felt useless that I couldn’t work and have a job, I couldn’t play my violin on the worship team at church anymore, I couldn’t help in the nursery, etc.  So I asked myself, “What CAN I do instead?”  The answer came quickly!  I could pray!  I was following a lot of blogs of babies and little kids with cancer, congenital heart disease, or other rare conditions like mito because it kept giving me a perspective that there are people everywhere we look who are going through suffering, so I began praying for them and the people at my church. :)  In addition, I came across an artist who was teaching hand lettering online for free!  I started learning how to the letter more than five years ago, and God has given physical strength to my hands to letter Bible verses or other uplifting quotes.  It feels like the Lord specifically placed this in my lap as a ministry to share my art with other believers going through hard times or even with strangers online. :)


  • As you walk this path daily, what helps you keep trusting in the Lord?

    In one word, Jesus.  People sometimes come up to me and say they don’t know how I do it.  And to tell you the truth, I don’t do it.  Jesus does.  Every day, I physically feel my broken body, and I am helpless without him.  When I am weak, he is strong.  I know God chose this path for me before I was born.  And whenever it gets overwhelming or discouraging, I trade in my pain for purpose, cast my cares at his feet, and think of something in the past that was hard to go through because it’s a reminder that God carried me through that specific trial.


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